The Innocence Of Rajesh Koothapali
by peppybigbang
Summary: Raj has always been the Childish and innocent one, while Howard has been the more independant best friend, but when something awful happens and Raj is upset can Howard and his friends help him out?
1. Chapter 1

The Innocence of Raj Koothrapali...

Summary:-Raj has always been the innocent child like character, while Howard was the more independent best friend, but when something awful happens and Raj is upset can Howard help him.

Chapter one: - Bad News

Raj was surprised when his computer started beeping for a video chat; it was about... 9:00pm in the evening so it couldn't be his parents, Sheldon and Leonard didn't video chat him very much. Maybe it was his best friend Howard but he could have sworn he'd told him he wasn't free this afternoon and couldn't chat with him. He'd been asked to watch his mum at swimming, some sort of support or something...family only, otherwise he would have helped to. Besides Raj loved it when Howard did voice impressions of his mum to urge her on like it was her own conscience...she looked so happy when Howard was with her, she was such a nice lady.

Anyway Raj pressed the accepts the call offer and his mum and dad came on screen they did not look happy...Raj prayed they hadn't called because the date with Sandra didn't go well this morning...well, he kind of didn't like her and he poured hot coffee over her head when she said something mean about Sheldon, so was thrown out of the restaurant, worth it though.

"Um, listen mummy, daddy, about this morning"

"Me and your father/mother are breaking up and having a divorce!" his parents screamed at the same time, Raj felt his world crush and crumble around him...they didn't even tell him after he'd had a decent conversation...what had happened, was it his fault did he do something wrong, he had so many questions but all he could get out of his mouth was...

"what...why?"


	2. Chapter 2

Just a quick notice, I going to change the ratings to M ASAP because I am going to try a more intense story it does include self harming, spanking and swearing (sorry spoiler alert) I have not wrote a story like this before but have read some from fan fiction, it is not going to be as realistic in character with Howard and Rajesh as I usually try to write them. I would love some reviews nice comments and tips but you do not need to read it if you don't want to or if it upsets you. Peppybigbang

p.s. thank you for your reviews so far they have been helping x

Chapter 2:-The Meltdown

"No! Mummy, daddy, why!"

"There's no questions Rajesh, me and your mother have decided what's best, because we are the parents!"

"But...But!"

But his parents just went off line and Raj let some tears run down his cheeks, he couldn't believe it there was no warning, no talking, just a fast heartbreaking situation that he could never control. He was like the sheep in the family the one forced to marry but not listened to, so he was not going to marry... he'd stay with Cinnamon the dog was his life anyway, always was. If his parents didn't show him respect they didn't deserve his respect either...ever. Unsure about everything right now his feeling quickly changed from worried and confused to angry...very angry...something inside Raj suddenly snapped and the innocent gentle natured personality was took over by a neglected feeling.

Shaking he grabbed random stuff around his house and started throwing them at walls and the door, including glasses and plates which he accidently cut himself on and completely lost it. About a few minutes later he became more aware that he had hurt himself he stared at the little cuts on his arm barely noticeable...surprisingly it felt...good, why it was suppose to hurt...sting maybe at least. Then he had an idea it was insane and wrong and he knew it but...he had to he couldn't think of anything else to do. Picking up a piece if plate he had thrown at the door he walked nervously to the bathroom and came face to face with his reflection in the mirror, holding the piece of plate against his arm he closed his eyes...he was a bit scared, gasping as he sliced his own skin he felt release from the anger and betrayal and felt more at peace...it was so freaky but it really worked, he thought about being forced into marriage, no girl liking him, anything that upset him as he kept his eyes shout and literally could away all of the pain...It really did work. Raj smiled at the feel of blood running down his arm and cut again a little deeper this time but not to deep. This went on for ten seconds which to Raj felt like a life time.

Finally he felt a little better, then gasped in horror as sudden realization came to his mind, he was a bloody mess cuts were everywhere up his right arm and were starting to sting badly and blood dripped on the bathroom door. Immediately he started crying and held his arm unsure what to do and very frightened at the thought of what he had done to himself. What was he going to do...what would his friends think-what the hell would Howard think!

Turning on the shower he just pressed the button not caring what temperature it was on he climbed in a tub and curled under freezing cold water, fully clothed and hugging his knees and sobbing his heart out, this night had just been actual hell and he prayed that he'd get it together so his friends would never know what happened this night, he could not be a burden...he would not be a burden.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Meanwhile Howard was waiting for his mother to get changed, she had actually been the best one out of her group for swimming, and he never knew she was so good at it. But he was worried now because he had just got the feeling Raj was in danger or some sort of trouble and needed him. He didn't know how he always knew but he did and he was barely ever wrong, and this was the worst feeling he'd felt and knew he had to hurry and see what was wrong. Picking up his mobile phone he checked the time first it was eleven at night he couldn't believe the time, seeing his mum walk towards him he greeted her then explained his concerns when they were in the car. His ma agreed he should ring Raj and she'd drive but by the end of him calling him about three times he became upset and Mrs Wolowitz decided she would drive over there her son hadn't been wrong about this sort of feeling before and she knew it...besides she was getting worried to.

When they arrived Howard almost flew upstairs of the hotel his ma way behind him and started banging on the door as loud as he could, there was no answer apart from a man yelling at him to shut up but no answer from Raj, checking the door it was unlocked he went inside and his mouth hung open with shock pieces of plates, knife, glass was everywhere, Mrs Wolowitz came up and Howard stopped her from going any further.

"Careful ma I think Raj has been robbed or something"

Mrs Wolowitz stared at the room in fright "Oh my god..."

Both mother and son crept inside carefully Howard holding her hand and guiding her away from the glass and knifes as best he could, it was like an obstacle course. They heard the shower and went into the bathroom Howard still not letting go of Howard's hand, both froze when they saw blood over the bathroom floor and squeezed his ma's hand, walking as carefully as they could towards the bath tub Howard screamed as he saw his best friend lying there with cuts all over his arm, grabbing hold of his mother he tried breathing correctly again gripping tight hold of her as best he could while his mum wrapped her arms around him, in shock but in full mama bear protective mode for both Howard and Raj.


	3. Chapter 3

My bad it's not a rated M at all it's a T still...sorry. It is only spanking, swearing, and self-harm so you can read it if your underage and like the story. My bad, Peppybigbang.

It took almost all night to sort everything out right, it was obvious all three people where very distraught, Mrs Wolowitz had took it upon herself to pick up all the glass, plates and knifes carefully so they would not hurt themselves and took a little while convincing her son she'd be fine to drive to Bernadette's house explaining what had happened...just not in details as that really wasn't fair for Raj right now.

Howard knew Raj had done this for a reason and he did not want it to happen again, but he just couldn't believe what he had witnessed, what on earth had he been thinking.

Raj looked away from his best friend in shame as he bandaged his arm carefully, sniffing he tried to lay his head on Howard for a little comfort. But Howard moved away quickly and ignored him concentrated on his bandage but was pissed as hell.

"Raj, what the fuck was you thinking!" Raj gasped in surprise he had never heard Howard swear before and never thought he would be the first person he'd swear at either.

"Well! What were you planning to do eh, kill yourself?!"

"I-I...do not know..."

"Why!? Why!?" Howard was trying hard not to cry himself; Raj started crying full on again hiccupping when trying not to and failing miserably. Howard could see that Raj was getting more and more upset but he didn't know what to do he was angry at himself, he almost lost his best friend and...shit had broke basically.

"Howard...please..."

"I thought...I thought you were dead...what do you think would have happened if I saw you dead in a shower, what would I have told the guys...Penny, Bernadette...Amy." Howard put his head in his hands and tried to calm down and think more logically. How could Raj do this such an innocent and kind soul, was it because he had to go out without him...was this his fault? He knew what his mum would say and what she'd do if he scared her like that but could he do it to a grown man...to Raj...his Raj.

Raj tried to hug him again but Howard pushed him away this time, ignoring the pleading look he was given. Yes he could, he was going to spank him and as quick as possible he had hurt himself and he wasn't going to do that EVER again.

Raj gasped in confusion as he was guided over Howard's knees, he was careful not to hurt his arm anymore than it already was.

"W-What are Y-Y-yo-u D-doing?"

"Spanking you, I need it to be clear that I'm not mad but upset and can't let you do this to yourself...and that I care about you a lot Raj"

"U-um-m o-ok..." Raj was touched but scared he'd had a spanking before of course but never from his friends...

SPANK! SPANK! SPANK! SPANK! SPANK! SPANK!

SMACK SMACK SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!

Howard never missed a beat as he lectured his best friend while spanking him un-mercilessly, a whole minute went on and Raj started wriggling and yelping out of the pain burying his face on Howard's right knee. Howard bit his lip as he carried on spanking.

(Hold on little buddy...hold on! Howard thinks holding Raj tighter in his grip trying to stop his own tears from falling. Come on buddy talk to me! I can't keep this up much longer without crying myself, and I'm not the spankee this time!)

"OW! Howard m sorry...j-just stop-p I snapped o-ok i-i s-snapppped!"

(Howard sighed from relief as Raj talked to him finally, of cause it was far from being ok but he needed to stop soon himself because he just knew he was going to start crying. But the worst was coming and he knew it so taking a huge deep breath he pulled down Raj's pants and boxers ignoring the embarrassed complains coming from his friend and remembered being in position more than once with his mother and knew exactly what this felt like)

SPANK SPANK! SPANK! SPANK! SPANK! SPANK! SPANK! SPANK...

By the time it was all over the men were both in tears, "M sorry H-Howard I-I I sorry!" Howard just shushed him kindly and stroked his hair just as his ma did to him. Raj cuddled into Howard finally able to stop crying...how could something so horrible make you feel so better afterwards...? he gripped hold of Howard's shirt tight unwilling to let go of him, he felt very safe right now...even though his best friend had laid into him like an angry bull but he liked to feel safe.

Howard lifted his friend up the right way on his knee as he was showing no sign about moving and this time let him hug him, knowing he truly needed the physical comfort right now. There was no doubt in either of there heads he was going to stay for a few days to check Raj was really ok and Raj wouldn't want it any other way.


	4. Chapter 4

Update: sorry I haven't updated for a while, I have been quite busy, even if it is half term. I am very happy in supported living now and have my friends support will hopefully get my own place in time (with roommates to keep me company) and be even more independent. I now have my changed address and fiancé sorted (pain in the ass) my social workers visiting tomorrow (don't know why probably a catch up) I have my college report (almost everything was positive...I apparently offend people with strong opinions unintentionally) I can now focus on some fanfiction...for now anyway lol

Chapter 4- What's wrong Raj

Howard got worried as he noticed Raj was still upset the next day, both men had no guilt left and felt a lot better but obviously Raj still had worries. It was definitely time for Howard to find out exactly what was wrong. So sitting down on Raj's couch he went straight to the root of the problem asking him for an explanation.

"Buddy, could you please tell me what happened yesterday to make you do that?"

Raj looked shame faced again, Howard could tell he didn't want to talk...he didn't want to either. But maybe he could fix this somehow. "Everything's been going bad for a while now..." Raj takes a deep breath

(Ok, that's a start...)

"And yesterday...when you were with your mother, my mummy called at nearly nine in the evening also. Neither mummy or daddy looked happy (Howard tried rubbing his arm comfortingly as Raj tried hard not to start crying again) I thought they were mad at me because of pouring hot coffee over my date (Howard raised an eyebrow at that but didn't say anything) but they just screamed at me that they were getting a divorce and I...I TRIED TALKING TO THEM BUT THEY CUT ME OFFFFFF, WAAAAAA! BOO! HOO!" (Ok, maybe that was a bit dramatic but this is Raj...he kind of sounds like smurfette from the smurfs doesn't he ;))

(Howard sweat drops automatically as his best friend literally pounced on top of him hugging his waist tightly...drama queen.)

"A-and the i-i snapped and t-threw everything i-i could g-get hold o-o-o-ff...and i-i went into-o-o the b-bathr-room a-and i-i did it-t... o-oh Howard I-it felt so g-g-good"

(Howard didn't really mind that Raj was latched on to him like a cute baby monkey, but he didn't know how to fix this situation he needed Leonard's and Sheldon's help but he felt like that would be invading Raj' privacy and would make Raj unable to trust him again. He also knew his best friend wasn't done telling the story yet, so he just held him gently and listened.)

"I-i thought about all the things that had gone wrong while I was cutting...as if in a trance, feeling relieve like that...it took the weights down...but then it started to sting so badly Howard..."

(No shit...)

"I felt like a banana slug...I felt so bad"

(The only thing Howard could think of doing now was to stroke Raj back gently and start rocking him...just as his mother did to him...it felt very comforting for him, hopefully Raj would feel comfort as well...)

Raj sniffed and wiped his nose on his sleeve he smiled a little feeling comforted by the rocking. "I felt like I did the worse thing in the world and cried as I thought I could never fix it..."

(Howard smiles unintentionally as Raj looked at him with the most adorable puppy eyes... the bastard had been practising that look because he knew full well he couldn't pass up the puppy eyes.)

"It's ok buddy, we'll sort it out somehow...I have one more question though"

"What?"

(Tries very hard not to laugh...)

"Why the hell would you pour coffee all over your date?"

(Both men smile mischievously Raj because he was quite proud of sticking up for Sheldon, Howard because he was proud that Raj actually did that, either to defend himself or someone else)

"Um, she was mean about Sheldon"

"What did she say?" Howard asked, noticing his friend's smile fading a little and frowning slightly.

"She called him an OCD freak..."

"Oh...so you poured hot coffee over her"

(Raj just smiled and tried to hide his face as a blush came uninvited to his cheeks.)

"I should spank you again for that hahaha!" Howard joked

(Raj smiled noticing the playful tone and raising his eyebrows in amusement deciding to play around with him)

"Ohhhhhh, I get it now...you like my ass and spanking me don't you? Hahaha!"

(Howard went bright red but smiled, and started chasing him; Raj giggled cheekily and started running about but suddenly was caught and was thrown on top of the couch screaming with laughter as Howard ticked his waist...)

"No! Noooooo! Not the feet! Not the feeeeeet! AHHHHHAAAAHAA! STOP IT LOL!"

(Near the end Raj was giggling, squealing and screaming all at the same time, but eventually as all good thing have to come to an end both men started panting soon after and had to stop for breath. Howard chuckled to himself as he witnessed Raj giggling quietly to himself with tears running down his cheeks)


End file.
